Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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