Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
