we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize