i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
