I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i believe in u and ur pee
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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