i will never coherently bang her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
