That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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