You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
