You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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