Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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