Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
