Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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