I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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