You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
