Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
