I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
