the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
