We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
