see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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