remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
