6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize