Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
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I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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