Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the liver wants what the liver wants
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
