I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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