my text book just quoted the cookie monster
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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