you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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