Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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