can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
