worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
