Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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