the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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