i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
