This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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