ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
