I wanna passion pit in your ass
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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