I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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