I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
