She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
