someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
