Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize