Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
