I just cut my nipple shaving
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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