the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
