...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
