Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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