I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
