did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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