I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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