So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
