last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
