I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fuck appropriateness.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
