my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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