Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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