let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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