Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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