I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
