If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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