sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
