You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
