In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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