At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
